my big brother, or AWOL - almost there

the edging is coming at last - strips of ecodyed fabric in the same tones as the existing work, sewn together and running around the edge

and with it some more thoughts - listening to others in the group talk about their completed works on absence helped me realise that this piece is not finished yet - on reflection i feel that although it adresses absence, it does so in a superficial way - i had hoped that stitching this would help me resolve or come to terms with my feelings about my brother - but what it seems to have done is underlined them and made them come stand out more, but without getting to the core of them

although the theme was absence, my brother was a very real presence for the first 20 years of my life - he took up space in our family's life, but from about 8 years of age he was completely absent as the big brother i had known and the one i would have liked to grow up with - i was afraid of him - his influence on my life was that of a malevolent spirit - even when he was elsewhere his actions left a shadow for me - he was present even when he went to the other side of the world - but this is not the place to dig all that up 

i feel torn because i have enjoyed bringing together the elements of this and stitching the work - the materials and stitching are consistent with the facts of his life as i experienced them, but the whole lacks the central anger that i feel

so although it works in some ways it fails in others - and now i'm not sure whether i should finish it or wait, reflect and see what else comes which could resolve that

i'm glad i have tried and got this far but off it goes to the back burner for now