meaning to stitch 5 - revisiting family

late august:

i have not started any work for Ruth's group because i have not been able to think of a family-related theme i want to pick up - but the recent death of a cousin of my mother's and thoughts of people's roles in life has reminded me that there is one side of her family that i have not begun to explore...... my maternal grandfather, Leon Barbaut - i've explored some aspects of my maternal grandmother's side in work on D........

actual contact with B...... side has been very limited because my grandfather died when my mother was 8 and his family did not live close by

then i realised that i have not even touched on my father's family - again part of the reason  but there's a reason for that: distance, both physical and emotional - my father's family were mostly a long way away on the far side of africa, at a time without the internet when long-distance travel and phone contact were very expensive - also my father created an emotional distance between us and those who were only a few miles away - so i have trouble getting to grips with my feelings about my paternal relatives - another story for another time maybe?

mid-september:

delving into my father's family tree and history has thrown up a lot of issues - the main theme of which seems to be hidden histories, although i'm not sure how "hidden" they were - as some of this involves abusive employment practices and social attitudes towards different cultures i don't feel ready to tackle this head on - but i am interested in the way this may have influenced family relationships and behaviour 

i am beginning to wonder how much of a role "secret histories" played on my father's reaction to family life and the way his life took shape - starting life as a blank sheet, the first child, later eldest son among several sisters and one brother 

that thought begins to tie in with the christening gown as a starting point, with so much to come ......